> My statement is no different than a polyamorist stating that
> monogamy is close-minded or imprisoning.

No, I do not believe that is a valid analogy. A more accurate one would be if a polyamorist said “Monogamous people are narrow-minded.”

It may appear subtle, but the difference is substantial. In your analogy, the polymorist is making a judgment about monogamy. In my analogy, the polyamorist is saying something judgmental about the monogamous PERSON.

You have made a judgment about a person based on a very wrong definition of “polyamory.” It would be no different than if I said Christians are hypocrites.

How would you like it if you asked out a perfectly decent, monogamous, intelligent man who rebuffed you with “But you’re a Christian. Christians believe in talking snakes, virgin births and an invisible man in the sky who has a list of things he doesn’t want you to do …. so you’re an idiot!”

He would have judged you based on a very narrow, bigoted concept of what your religion is. He may or may not be a bigot, but his statement certainly is. I would be just as aggressive in denouncing that kind of behavior as I am in denouncing yours.

That’s not what you said. You said “cheater.” That vernacular is used to refer to someone who has relationships WITHOUT the consent or knowledge of his/her other relationships; one who is engaged in lying, deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition. You put that word in parenthesis as though it were the definition.

You also equated his “alt. lifestyle” to mean “swinging.” Did he actually say swinging or are you, again, coming up with your own definitions for things?

> Thus, I have an educated, WORLD VIEW of what polyamory is

If you have this “World View” (I really don’t know what you mean by that, but it seems like you are trying to suggest “informed” or “wide” or “deep understanding”), why did you equate polyamory with “cheating”?????

But it does not make me a bigot. Once again, look it up, the definition is very clear “a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.” My statement is no different than a polyamorist stating that monogamy is close-minded or imprisoning. It’s an opinion, not a hate crime.

PS – my very well known conservative church is of the Christian type that believes in the monogamy gig and that’s it. nothing else. so he should find a church that has a more loosely defined version of a committed relationship.

- Amy

…So you see, polyamory REALLY doesn’t have anything to do with cheating. Rather, cheating is a violation of agreements and trust that can occur in any relationship (mono, poly, or otherwise).

- Amy Gahran

Clearly, a WRONG definition. You specifically equate it with, your own words, “cheating.”

Polyamory is not cheating. If you think it is, you are suffering from a deep, fundamental ignorance.

You said, in part: “…polyamory (aka cheaters)…”

That’s a gross and derogatory misrepresentation/stereotyping of polyamorous people. It may have been willful on your part, or perhaps merely reflects your ignorance — but making that statement was indeed an act of bigotry.

Polyamory — in case you didn’t know — is being open to having more than one intimate relationship at a time which may involve sex, deep emotional commitment, or even life partnership or family structure. Polyamorous relationships demand an extraordinarily high level of honesty and communication.

That’s not to say that all poly people are perfect, or that polyamory is superior to monogamy. They’re just different approaches. But to characterize poly folk as “cheaters” is to call them dishonest and irresponsible. Which is not merely insulting, but ignorant.

What you said is no different from saying:
- “black people (aka thieves)”
- “Jews (aka greedy shysters)”
- “gays (aka perverts)”
- “women (aka bitches)”
- “Christians (aka morons)”

Note that I did not malign your character as a person. I simply observed that you made a bigoted statement. There’s a difference. I know nothing about you except what you tweeted and posted above.

Obviously, you prefer monogamy, that’s fine. And obviously you prefer to only date monogamous people. That’s fine — it’s up to you to draw boundaries and define standards in your own relationships. And it’s up to other people to make their own choices about such personal matters.

But puh-leeeze: acting offended because someone who doesn’t happen meet your personal criteria happened to express interest in you? Insulting their choices simply because they’re different from yours? Kinda childish.

FYI, there are a lot of poly people who identify as Christian. So even in a Christian church, it’s naive to assume everyone you meet prefers monogamy.

If you absolutely insist on associating with or dating only other people who only want monogamy (which is fine), then it’s up to YOU to make your requirement clear up front. Or to at least inquire politely about the other person’s preferences, and then say “no thanks” if they aren’t of interest to you for dating.

But acting offended that a poly guy would ask you out — especially if he was polite about it? Puh-leeeze…..

- Amy Gahran